I am a poor reader. I have a great challenge with retention. Often times if I am reading a novel it helps me to discuss the material with someone else. It re-inforces the series of events for me. I had a lot of fun with friends and co-workers as we all plowed through the Yada Yada Prayer Group Series as well as The Chronicles of the Kings series. We had lively discussions, shared thoughts and ideas and it made the reading experience more real to me and easier to do.
With "how to" books I struggle more. It often helps me to summarize chapter by chapter on paper, so I end up with a kind of "cliff note." Writing it down helps me to cement in a chronological way what I have read.
For this reason from time to time I will share my "book reports" here. It will give me a good incentive to plow through my material and an opportunity to discuss it with those of you who are interested (just email me)
The organization that I work with has asked us all to read and adopt the philosphies of a small book called QBQ. It is a "quick read" (if you are unlike me and don't have to outline everything you read) After getting through it I have to say that it can only serve as an assett to one's attitude.
The following is my summation. If you choose to share in it with me, please share your thoughts bruceandcherylfane@hotmail.com.
QBQ
The Question Behind the Question
By John G Miller
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY
What has happened to personal responsibility? Why does it seem the only thing people know how to do anymore is point the finger elsewhere, blaming something or someone else for their problems, their actions or their feelings?
Blaming other people for that which you CAN accept responsibility creates a vicious circle of victim mentality thinking. Incorrect questions like the following cause negative attitudes and feelings of victimization:
VICTIMIZATION BEGINS WITH HOW WE PHRASE IT
WHEN is that department going to do its job?
WHY don’t they communicate better?
WHO dropped the ball?
WHY do we have to go through all of this change?
WHEN is someone going to train me?
These are “Incorrect questions” and are most often a negative first reaction to situations. In the exact moment of decision should we choose to change and better the way we ask the question…in essence “the question behind the question” will often lead to more productive and responsible results. There are three ways to ask a better question…
Begin only with “WHAT or HOW” (not why, when or who)
Contain an “I” (not they them we or you)
Place your focus on an action
How can I be helpful to effect a change in that procedure?
What can I do to improve my communication skills?
How can I effect a smoother transition during this changing season?
I would like to begin a training process, how could I facilitate that with our supervisor?
WHY QUESTIONS
Questions that begin with why often cause us right out of the gate to feel like a powerless victim. Questions that begin with “why” and have the “poor me” tone lead straight to a classic pity party that will yield unproductive actions and character traits like bitterness, resentment and gossip. “Poor me” thinking is helpless victim thinking.
WHY don’t others work harder?
WHY me?
WHY do they make it so difficult for me to do my job?
WHY is this happening to me?
WHY do I have to do it?
WHY doesn’t the younger generation have a good work ethic?
WHY don’t we get more direction from upper management?
WHY don’t they communicate better?
Vs……………..
HOW can I do my job better today?
HOW can I support others?
WHAT can I do to improve the situation?
HOW can I better understand you?
WHEN QUESTIONS
When we ask “when?” we are saying we have no choice but to wait and put off action until a time in the future. Questions that begin with when are stalling procrastination pre-cursors. Procrastination more times than not is the friend of failure. Taking care of little things while they are still little breeds confidence, independence and personal responsibility.
Stalling and procrastination lead again to stress. As things pile up we become overwhelmed and begin to feel victimized with pity for our hopeless situations.
WHEN can we take care of this problem?
WHEN will the customer call me back?
Vs……………………..
WHAT steps towards solution can I provide today?
HOW can I creatively reach this customer?
Focusing on what we don’t have today is a waste of time and precious energy. To really make a positive difference in our lives and the lives of others we must focus our energy on succeeding within the box.
HOW can I achieve success with the resources I already have available to me?
WHEN are we going to hear about a new technique?
Can be better approached
HOW can I apply and succeed with what I have already heard?
WHO QUESTIONS
When we ask WHO questions what we are really looking to find are scapegoats. Someone else to blame. Blame and whodunit questions solve nothing. The author identifies blame as the most counterproductive action of all. They create fear, destroy creativity and build walls. Instead of brainstorming and working together to get things done, we blamestorm and accomplish nothing.
WHO made the mistake?
WHO missed the deadline?
WHO dropped the ball?
Vs………………………..
HOW can I help move the project forward?
WHAT action can I take to “own” the situation?
BLAME AS A SCAPEGOAT
The old saying…………a poor sailor blames the wind
A poor teacher blames the ………………..?
A poor salesperson blames the …………………..?
A poor parent blames the …………………..?
A poor manager blames the …………………..?
A poor worker blames the…………………?
A poor coach blames the…………………..?
A poor employee blames the……………….?
Accountable people who take personal responsibility blame no one, not even themselves. Instead they spend time taking immediate action to affect a solution to success.
STRESS
Stress is a choice, because we CHOOSE our response to the negative consequences in our lives. Stress can also be the RESULT of our choices. When we choose to ask a question like “WHY is this happening to me?” we feel as though we have no control and this slides right into a victim mindset which can be extremely stressful and breed hopelessness.. Why me thinking only actually adds to our stress.
OUR APPROACH TO CHANGE
We need to grasp and understand fully that new challenges and changing conditions often require different strategies. Conditions change, situations change and people change. What works one day in a situation may not be guaranteed to work the next day. We need to develop health approaches to change so that we are not caught off guard and unprepared when the unexpected happens.
WHEN FACED WITH A NEW SITUATION ONE MUST TAKE ACTION AND SOLVE THE PROBLEM. Valuable and unrecoverable time is only wasted in resisting and complaining about the change.
WHY must I go through all this change?
Vs………….
WHAT immediate actions can I enforce to adapt to this significant change in my life?
WE/THEY VS US AGAINST THEM
Another counter productive time waster and morale destroyer is bickering and complaining about other people..other departments…other family members and how they perform or do not perform within the unit. If we are all part of the same group then we are all part of the same team whether it is a corporation, a family, a church or a ministry.
For all the emphasis we spend on team building we still seem to forget that we are all on the same team. Individuals turn against one another. They bicker and fight about what is done or not done. This kind of infighting DRAINS THE LIFE out of a working group. We work against one another making it impossible as a group to move forward.
With Satan trying to beat us everyday at our successes can we really afford the time or the mere energy that is wasted on working against one another. We are all on the same team…drop the we vs they and adopt an US mentality…working together to solve problems as a team for the team.
BEATING THE BARRIERS
What person is beyond your control standing in the way of you and success in a given situation? Is it a micro-managing supervisor? Inefficient systems that waste your time?
Maybe it is a personal situation or character defect that saps you of your needed energy.
No matter what we try to accomplish, there is almost always a barrier to be overcome. Do not waste your time complaining and whining about the uncontrollable barriers…..become so good that you will succeed regardless of the barriers. Work on personal excellence. If we want to win we must not focus on things beyond our control but focus on our performance which can become above reproach as we take captive our thoughts and actions.
OWNERSHIP
Learn to see problems as a solution that THE TEAM needs to make, and place yourself as a member of that team. Do not blame co-workers, husbands or wives, bosses or employees. When presented with a problem for YOUR GROUP. Take ownership of the problem FOR THE GROUP and go into action to affect a healthy and positive resolution.
A SUCCESSFUL TEAM
A successful team is most often made up of DIFFERENT people whose strengths and weaknesses COMPLIMENT and build on one another. It has been said that “a healthy, secure teammate is someone who can look right through you and still enjoy the view.” Try to appreciate people’s giftings and strengths just the way they currently exist. The foundation of teamwork is striving for your personal best and appreciating and encouraging those who are working alongside you.
We can only change ourselves. Do not waste time or energy trying to change the others around you. Change comes from the inside. It is a result of personal and individual decisions that only one heart can make. If you are in a overseeing position with a team member or have invested in a close exhortation inclusive relationship you might coach, counsel, teach or guide…but change is not something you can do.
How much better things would be if we all tried to mold and shape our own thoughts and actions rather than the fruitless action of trying to change others. Personal accountability works because it is based upon the simple truth that the only member of the group that I can change is ME, The easiest thing to spot in a group is a lack of integrity with others,
Instead of asking WHEN will others walk their talk? We would do well to walk our own talk first.
A QBQ prayer of Serenity: God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.
TEAM INTEGRITY
Is what we say about our team the same when we are working with them as if we are hanging out with friends? If what we say is positive amidst the team and then negative at home we have an integrity problem. The solution is to BELIEVE OR LEAVE.
If the team that you are a part of is no longer serving you to meet your life goals then why do we want to stay? Answering that question honestly and putting your answer into an action is part of practicing PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY.
THE ACTION STEP
We have talked about the first two MUSTS in the correct Question Behind the Question.
We must ask HOW and WHAT questions
We must use an I rather than them or you
But the third step as discussed is that we must take action. Action is taken by adding the words DO, MAKE, ACHIEVE and BUILD on to your I questions beginning with WHAT or HOW.
WHAT can I DO right now?
HOW can I MAKE a difference today?
WHAT kind of bridge can I serve to BUILD between the two parties?
Only through action is anything accomplished. In the practice of personal accountability we discipline our thoughts to ask better questions to take action!
TAKING ACTION
Even though there are risks involved in taking action, the alternative which is inaction is almost never the better choice.
Action even when it leads to mistakes, brings learning and growth. Inaction brings stagnation and atrophy.
Action leads us TOWARDS solutions. Inaction at it’s best does nothing but hold us in the past.
Action requires courage, inaction often breeds fear.
Action builds confidence, inaction breeds doubt.
LEADERSHIP WITHIN THE TEAM
True leadership is not about position or title. It is about integrity and personal accountability. Leadership more than anything else, is about the way we think. It’s a moment to moment disciplining of our thoughts. It’s about practicing personal accountability, and CHOOSING to make a positive contribution, no matter what our role or level. If we think like leaders, then we are leaders, and humility is the cornerstone of leadership.
FINALLY
Repetition is practice…practice makes perfect…actions produce attitude…changed attitudes produce results!
The Question Behind the Question
By John G Miller
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY
What has happened to personal responsibility? Why does it seem the only thing people know how to do anymore is point the finger elsewhere, blaming something or someone else for their problems, their actions or their feelings?
Blaming other people for that which you CAN accept responsibility creates a vicious circle of victim mentality thinking. Incorrect questions like the following cause negative attitudes and feelings of victimization:
VICTIMIZATION BEGINS WITH HOW WE PHRASE IT
WHEN is that department going to do its job?
WHY don’t they communicate better?
WHO dropped the ball?
WHY do we have to go through all of this change?
WHEN is someone going to train me?
These are “Incorrect questions” and are most often a negative first reaction to situations. In the exact moment of decision should we choose to change and better the way we ask the question…in essence “the question behind the question” will often lead to more productive and responsible results. There are three ways to ask a better question…
Begin only with “WHAT or HOW” (not why, when or who)
Contain an “I” (not they them we or you)
Place your focus on an action
How can I be helpful to effect a change in that procedure?
What can I do to improve my communication skills?
How can I effect a smoother transition during this changing season?
I would like to begin a training process, how could I facilitate that with our supervisor?
WHY QUESTIONS
Questions that begin with why often cause us right out of the gate to feel like a powerless victim. Questions that begin with “why” and have the “poor me” tone lead straight to a classic pity party that will yield unproductive actions and character traits like bitterness, resentment and gossip. “Poor me” thinking is helpless victim thinking.
WHY don’t others work harder?
WHY me?
WHY do they make it so difficult for me to do my job?
WHY is this happening to me?
WHY do I have to do it?
WHY doesn’t the younger generation have a good work ethic?
WHY don’t we get more direction from upper management?
WHY don’t they communicate better?
Vs……………..
HOW can I do my job better today?
HOW can I support others?
WHAT can I do to improve the situation?
HOW can I better understand you?
WHEN QUESTIONS
When we ask “when?” we are saying we have no choice but to wait and put off action until a time in the future. Questions that begin with when are stalling procrastination pre-cursors. Procrastination more times than not is the friend of failure. Taking care of little things while they are still little breeds confidence, independence and personal responsibility.
Stalling and procrastination lead again to stress. As things pile up we become overwhelmed and begin to feel victimized with pity for our hopeless situations.
WHEN can we take care of this problem?
WHEN will the customer call me back?
Vs……………………..
WHAT steps towards solution can I provide today?
HOW can I creatively reach this customer?
Focusing on what we don’t have today is a waste of time and precious energy. To really make a positive difference in our lives and the lives of others we must focus our energy on succeeding within the box.
HOW can I achieve success with the resources I already have available to me?
WHEN are we going to hear about a new technique?
Can be better approached
HOW can I apply and succeed with what I have already heard?
WHO QUESTIONS
When we ask WHO questions what we are really looking to find are scapegoats. Someone else to blame. Blame and whodunit questions solve nothing. The author identifies blame as the most counterproductive action of all. They create fear, destroy creativity and build walls. Instead of brainstorming and working together to get things done, we blamestorm and accomplish nothing.
WHO made the mistake?
WHO missed the deadline?
WHO dropped the ball?
Vs………………………..
HOW can I help move the project forward?
WHAT action can I take to “own” the situation?
BLAME AS A SCAPEGOAT
The old saying…………a poor sailor blames the wind
A poor teacher blames the ………………..?
A poor salesperson blames the …………………..?
A poor parent blames the …………………..?
A poor manager blames the …………………..?
A poor worker blames the…………………?
A poor coach blames the…………………..?
A poor employee blames the……………….?
Accountable people who take personal responsibility blame no one, not even themselves. Instead they spend time taking immediate action to affect a solution to success.
STRESS
Stress is a choice, because we CHOOSE our response to the negative consequences in our lives. Stress can also be the RESULT of our choices. When we choose to ask a question like “WHY is this happening to me?” we feel as though we have no control and this slides right into a victim mindset which can be extremely stressful and breed hopelessness.. Why me thinking only actually adds to our stress.
OUR APPROACH TO CHANGE
We need to grasp and understand fully that new challenges and changing conditions often require different strategies. Conditions change, situations change and people change. What works one day in a situation may not be guaranteed to work the next day. We need to develop health approaches to change so that we are not caught off guard and unprepared when the unexpected happens.
WHEN FACED WITH A NEW SITUATION ONE MUST TAKE ACTION AND SOLVE THE PROBLEM. Valuable and unrecoverable time is only wasted in resisting and complaining about the change.
WHY must I go through all this change?
Vs………….
WHAT immediate actions can I enforce to adapt to this significant change in my life?
WE/THEY VS US AGAINST THEM
Another counter productive time waster and morale destroyer is bickering and complaining about other people..other departments…other family members and how they perform or do not perform within the unit. If we are all part of the same group then we are all part of the same team whether it is a corporation, a family, a church or a ministry.
For all the emphasis we spend on team building we still seem to forget that we are all on the same team. Individuals turn against one another. They bicker and fight about what is done or not done. This kind of infighting DRAINS THE LIFE out of a working group. We work against one another making it impossible as a group to move forward.
With Satan trying to beat us everyday at our successes can we really afford the time or the mere energy that is wasted on working against one another. We are all on the same team…drop the we vs they and adopt an US mentality…working together to solve problems as a team for the team.
BEATING THE BARRIERS
What person is beyond your control standing in the way of you and success in a given situation? Is it a micro-managing supervisor? Inefficient systems that waste your time?
Maybe it is a personal situation or character defect that saps you of your needed energy.
No matter what we try to accomplish, there is almost always a barrier to be overcome. Do not waste your time complaining and whining about the uncontrollable barriers…..become so good that you will succeed regardless of the barriers. Work on personal excellence. If we want to win we must not focus on things beyond our control but focus on our performance which can become above reproach as we take captive our thoughts and actions.
OWNERSHIP
Learn to see problems as a solution that THE TEAM needs to make, and place yourself as a member of that team. Do not blame co-workers, husbands or wives, bosses or employees. When presented with a problem for YOUR GROUP. Take ownership of the problem FOR THE GROUP and go into action to affect a healthy and positive resolution.
A SUCCESSFUL TEAM
A successful team is most often made up of DIFFERENT people whose strengths and weaknesses COMPLIMENT and build on one another. It has been said that “a healthy, secure teammate is someone who can look right through you and still enjoy the view.” Try to appreciate people’s giftings and strengths just the way they currently exist. The foundation of teamwork is striving for your personal best and appreciating and encouraging those who are working alongside you.
We can only change ourselves. Do not waste time or energy trying to change the others around you. Change comes from the inside. It is a result of personal and individual decisions that only one heart can make. If you are in a overseeing position with a team member or have invested in a close exhortation inclusive relationship you might coach, counsel, teach or guide…but change is not something you can do.
How much better things would be if we all tried to mold and shape our own thoughts and actions rather than the fruitless action of trying to change others. Personal accountability works because it is based upon the simple truth that the only member of the group that I can change is ME, The easiest thing to spot in a group is a lack of integrity with others,
Instead of asking WHEN will others walk their talk? We would do well to walk our own talk first.
A QBQ prayer of Serenity: God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.
TEAM INTEGRITY
Is what we say about our team the same when we are working with them as if we are hanging out with friends? If what we say is positive amidst the team and then negative at home we have an integrity problem. The solution is to BELIEVE OR LEAVE.
If the team that you are a part of is no longer serving you to meet your life goals then why do we want to stay? Answering that question honestly and putting your answer into an action is part of practicing PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY.
THE ACTION STEP
We have talked about the first two MUSTS in the correct Question Behind the Question.
We must ask HOW and WHAT questions
We must use an I rather than them or you
But the third step as discussed is that we must take action. Action is taken by adding the words DO, MAKE, ACHIEVE and BUILD on to your I questions beginning with WHAT or HOW.
WHAT can I DO right now?
HOW can I MAKE a difference today?
WHAT kind of bridge can I serve to BUILD between the two parties?
Only through action is anything accomplished. In the practice of personal accountability we discipline our thoughts to ask better questions to take action!
TAKING ACTION
Even though there are risks involved in taking action, the alternative which is inaction is almost never the better choice.
Action even when it leads to mistakes, brings learning and growth. Inaction brings stagnation and atrophy.
Action leads us TOWARDS solutions. Inaction at it’s best does nothing but hold us in the past.
Action requires courage, inaction often breeds fear.
Action builds confidence, inaction breeds doubt.
LEADERSHIP WITHIN THE TEAM
True leadership is not about position or title. It is about integrity and personal accountability. Leadership more than anything else, is about the way we think. It’s a moment to moment disciplining of our thoughts. It’s about practicing personal accountability, and CHOOSING to make a positive contribution, no matter what our role or level. If we think like leaders, then we are leaders, and humility is the cornerstone of leadership.
FINALLY
Repetition is practice…practice makes perfect…actions produce attitude…changed attitudes produce results!
